I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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