Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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