Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
