I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
