Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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