Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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