I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
