Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
