People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
