Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
her vagine was all disorganized.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
