Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
