I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
