That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
