Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
