He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
