I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
