I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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