Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
