i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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