How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
