His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
