I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
