somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
