At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
