a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
