I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
