Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
