Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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