Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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