Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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