if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize