Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
