Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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