I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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