I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize