Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
