We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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