i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
