Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
