i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
