Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
