I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
