We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
