My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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