I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
