I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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