so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
