I can tuck mytits in my pants
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was like eating out sand paper
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
