That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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