Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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