The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
