the new term for farting is butt boxing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
