Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
