i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
