forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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