I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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