Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
