it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize