Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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