She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
