glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Shame is for Republicans.
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