ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
