i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
