I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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