well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
