You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
