you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
