Just fell off a train. Bad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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