weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
