I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
