We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
