my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
