butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
