that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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