I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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