So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
