i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
