Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
