Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
high people should be assigned attendants
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
