Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
