My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
