Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
