piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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