She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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