I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
