I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i permit you to call me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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