I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
