you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
