You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
