am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
