hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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