Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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